Here I shall impart wisdom, asskickings and whimsical musings to those seeking to taste from the fruit of my perpetual wisdom, capricious humor and... fuck, I'm out of words.

How do you fit your ego through a doorway?

Sideways.

Really, it's just like moving an oversized piece of furniture. As long as you angle it right, you can usually get anything in the house.

Ive noticed that at times my neighbors feel inferior in their manhood when they stand near me, and thus fear for the faithfulness of their wives and girlfriends. As such, I have occasionally been the target of jealousy related incidents. I can only imagine how one such as you, who must deal with this on a near continual basis, deals with such incidents. Is there any advice you can give me?

In your case, Dakyron, I would advise locking the trailer at night or move it down the street. Seeing as how you live in Arizona, you could hide it behind the hordes of illegals or better yet, if you prefer peace and quiet, Cardinals stadium.

Which brings up another question...

Do you think the Arizona Cardinals or the Los Angeles Clippers will win a championship first?

Clippers.

Elton Brand is pretty kick ass. Sam Cassell is good.

The Cardinals best player in recent memory is Jake Plummer, and as a Bronco fan I curse you... you "Nevada without the fun" Arizona jackasses!

Are the rumours true, that you will hand back HIGHLIGHT status to its rightful owner (me)?

Banned!

Next question...

Are you going to change the color of the highlighter of the site?

The highlighter of the site should be blue, because it's my favoritest color.

Now then, I expect tougher questions. All these soft balls, you'd think I was John Kerry in a NY Times interview. Speaking of libbies, I want the blood of liberals to adorn the walkway to my castle with their 'Why are you a conservative? Don't you get tired of possessing testicles? Doubly so because you are an American?' etc

Or, barring that, a sacrificial Oakland Raider's fan.

Or even more interview questions like 'Did you leave your boot in KFS's ass when you drove him off this board? Did he ever make good on sucking your salty balls? Speaking of sucking, Why does soccer suck? Why does most tv suck? Why does porn suck? Why does Lowell's porn just really suck?'

Or perhaps regarding my mod skillz. 'If you ban a poster in the woods do you hear them bitch?'

C'mon people - the knowledge is at your fingertips!

Which porn should be banned from the site: mine or Lowell's?

Do you realize that wanting the sacrificial blood of Oakland Raider fans make you a racist?

When are you going to show a pic of yourself?

Lowell's. At least freaks like you can glean some enjoyment from your brand of porn. No one could enjoy the crack hos Lowell finds.



Yes. I am racist against the raiders and advocate genocide in their case. But then again, letting them live increases their suffering, thus increasing my pleasure. I do enjoy that every coach that was approached by the Raiders rejected them (they would rather be assistant coaches, janitors, etc then manage that dump), and they were forced to go back to an old coach they had fired awhile ago.



The nudes are forthcoming!

Actually, I might post one soon. I think the only computer pic I have of myself right now though is from way back when I was 17 or so.

That's what cell phones are for. Yes, cell phones are for taking pictures.

Mine doesn't. I'm happy if I can just get to the voice mail on it.

I know, as someone who lives in the LA area, it's a high crime not to have eight high tech cell phones attending me at all times, but I'm just a rebel like that. If the wife and job didn't insist I carry one, I wouldn't have one at all. I hate them for the most part to be honest - they are electronic leashes in hand held form.

Plus, I've had to dodge enough assholes on the road who can't put the thing down for ten seconds.

I don't get reception at all indoors, which in a way is a plus; unfortunately, in my dorm it is teetering on the edge of existence, and thus about the only calls I ever actually get in there are for some dude named Tim who has not had my phone number at least since mid 2004, generally at 5 AM on a weekday because apparently Tim never sleeps. However, having a cell phone does have a major advantage for someone as paranoid as me: it at least offers the illusion of privacy from other people, so that if my roommate shows up I won't suddenly be talking about less than I would had i been talking on a phone plugged into the wall; the phone I do have in my room that is plugged into the wall has this cool new cord which attatches it to the base so I don't accidentally lose that part of it or something

Why has Massachusetts always been by far the best state of the Union?

wtf, massachussetts has the bawstn accent. That disqualifies it from any awards, period.

You are a Southerner. Your accent is like a badge of inferiority, forever marking your lesser intelligence and wit.

hows your healthy life program going?


Whats yours and your missus's favourite sexual position(s)?


are you at all interested in how the existence of the mandelbrot set is indicative of the existence of free will even using the Newtonian Paradigm?


which regular poster would you ban if you *had* to ban someone, or else your wife and kids would get shot?


considering mankinds development and accumulation of weapons of mass destruction, what is your favourite colour?


and *what* is your quest?


and what is the top speed of a swallow carrying half a coconut?


and when will the North and South of the US again fall into direct military conflict?

In the original NES version of Pro Wrestling, who was your favourite character?

1. Larry Bird. The greatest basketball player of all time.

2. The high concentration of mAssholes, in one small localized area, makes every other state look great in comparison. It's kind of like when a pretty girl will take her fat, ugly friend with her to the club. It makes her stand out as even better looking due to the sharp contrast. And in the way that fat friend is the woman's "best friend", so is Massachusetts the "best state".





Off and on. I droped from 210 to 190 in a little over a week just from cutting out sodas and most carbs, but haven't had a chance/inclination to start working out like I wanted. I've managed to keep most of the weight drop off but I need to hit the gym to make any more progress.



We're just happy when we can find the time for any inbetween work, kids, household duties, commuting, etc.



Um... you make it sound like I would need incentive to randomly and unfairly ban someone. But if I had to... maybe QWOT, since he tends to elevate that leftwing side of discussions and it's much more fun to paint all lefties as guys like Lowell and KFS.



No. But how bout them Bears?



Blue. But my favorite color scheme is blue, with white and black trims.



To accumulate a great sum of wealth and investment in a short as possible period of time, legally and without fame, so that I might provide a great life for my family and on an individual level be able to spend my free hours surfing, smoking and playing poker.



85 mph as I crash into it with my car.



When Hillary is elected President and outlaws male heterosexuality.



It's all about Starman, even if he wears pink!

If forced to choose, would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, or have Ted Kennedy act as your designated driver?

How do you put up with the stupidity of the average Californian? Is it true they tend to have the intelligence of lowell but have the partisan fervor of our own Highlight?

When the big one hits, do you hope to be swallowed by the ocean and drown, burned to death via gas explosion, or shot while defending your property from looters?

Starman? Are you stupid? And gay?!?!

It's King Slender all the way man

Dick Cheney. Oh, I know you heard about that 'hunting accident'. That wasn't no accident. That was a liberal in them thar trees!



It's tough. I walk down Ventura Blvd and get asked by idiots to 'Stop George Bush now!' who are selling crap like 'peace candles'. And it makes me sad. So many liberal asses, not enough hours in the day to kick them all. But then I think, it could be worse. They could be idiots who wear cowboy hats everywhere and refuse to acknowledge daylight savings. Hell man, even New Mexico had Billy The Kid. Arizona has some blue jeans named after it, John McCain... and that's about it.



The Highlight can't be drowned, he can't be burned, he can't be shot - he can only be obeyed. When the big one TRYS to hit, I'll hold the fault lines down with the palm of one hand while I bitch slap mother nature with the back of the other.





King Slender? More like King Gayslender!

Starman would starkick his ass all over the ring!

What game are you talking about? King Slender? Starman?

This thing, damn that is really old school:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pro_Wrestling_%28video_game%29

indeed, starman is the best character to play.

//unbanned

How many chucks could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck could?

More importantly, what is a chuck anyway?

You're 190 pounds. Since I have no idea what that is in kilos, and am too lazy to find out: Are you some overweight old guy? Because seeing overweight old guys in the gym is very disturbing. They're like a morbid reminder of what you could end up like if you don't do exercise and all that jazz. Except I'll never end up like that beacuse I'm naturally skinny anyway

Anyways, its almost as bad as seeing your lecturer in the gym. That gets too weird. *Shudder*

If you won lotto and got say $200m or something - I hear you have rediculously large first prizes in the US - would you ever consider sharing your winnings (say, $5000 for selected persons ) with the rest of U-P?

Why did you single out QWOT as a left wing poster? I thought he was moderate right.

When are you and your wife doing to do the Octopus next? What if bits start falling off? [Read that shenny thread for details ]

Edit: Why are you taking so long to respond to my post? You've been online for like the past 15 mins! REAL Highlights have a upper limit 5 min response time once they're online

I can't believe someone wrote a wikipedia page about that game. Of course they are missing the best part, which is the screen that is displayed after you win a match:



And yes, in reality King Slender is probably the worst fighter to pick. But he has a good name...

Enough to give Chuck wood. Because chucking is sexy!



Chuck is a dude into small animals. You have no right to judge him or disallow his marriage neoKKKhan!



I'm 27. And I look normal. I do have a beer gut though, and that has to go.



I hate seeing anyone I know at the gym. I'm there to feel pain, and at least if I get laughed at for my eleven minute mile no one I know is the wiser.



That would be sweet! I would have more money than God. Heck, I would even have more money than Vlad! And yeah, I win the lottery I'll hook people up. I'll pay to fly everyone to Vegas, and I'll give anyone that can pin Lowell in the mud wrestling pit $5,000!



Different definitions of left and right, and as I said I would like to generally maim, kill or ban any reasonable and outspoken leftwing users to make the radicals seem representative of the left.



I do not know what 'the Octopus' is. And if it comes from the twisted mind of the Asian Cowboy, I might not want to know



See, there's a good reason for that. I was getting up to get a glass of water and then... banned!

Do you consider yourself to be mainstream?

Also, what is the real reason why KFS called you "dragonspits"?

Not always mainstream, but I don't mind that as many "mainstream" views are perpetuated by ignorance and social conditioning. The average Ricky Lake or Jenny Jones tv watcher is mainstream.

At the same time, I think I am far less rightwing than my reputation here mainly because this board has a lot of international and relatively young posters. Compared to the average American I am fairly moderate. Even most political tests I've taken have put me almost deadeye to the center.

What it is is that I have very assertive opinions. When I'm assertively left, it tends to blend to most of the leftwing posters here as a 'normal' view (like supporting a good minimum wage or legalization of recreational drugs). When I am assertive to the right, it strikes out very boldly here because most of the users are not rightwingers.

Amusingly, I've been called a Marxist, a Socialist, etc on other boards by still expressing my very same views. IOW, it's all relative to your company.




A couple of the more common theories are that he can't spell for shit, that his jokes are retarded, and that he is use to me chewing his arguments up and spitting them into the wind.

Actually, the "I am brillian" line pretty much confirms the "he can't spell for shit" theory...

I think I used to put you in pretty far to the right. Not extreme right but far enough to make it into the crazy group
Nowadays I see you as being just a normal rightwing person. Approximately. Although that may have to do with my not remembering any recent political post of yours.
See the following scale I just made up for details on gradation!
<More Left>[Centrist][Center Right][Moderate Right][(Normal) Right][Far Right][Extreme Ultra Deavy Duty Insane Rabid Right] <More Right>

OK so maybe my scale doesn't perfectly model my views, but its damn near close enough for the effort I put in Oh yeah. Its an absolute scale btw.

Now, I'd like to think the average rightwinger in the US is about where you are on my scale and no further to the right and of course preferably more to the left. If indeed you are considered a moderate (as in centrist) on a relative scale of the US, it is somewhat moderate.
On the other hand, I am not terribly surprised. I have heared it said by political commentators that the US is now so far to the right that what the US considers "left" qualifies more as Centrist in the rest of the Western world.




Lies! I have it on good authority that its REALLY because you developed a spitting fetish during one of your sordid bedroom encounters with him.

We can hardly help the fact that we have more common sense than the rest of the Western world.