2006-11-05

Dr. Kelso: "When the Kelsonovices settled in Monroeville, PA, there were two steel mills, three bars and not a doctor in sight. Then, my old man set up a shingle, and started delivering babies and stitching up three-fingered steel men by the wagon load. Everybody loved him. When they couldn't come up with the cash he would always gladly accept a handmade sweater, or a bushel of turnips. Hehehe... Jackass!"

2006-11-06

Dr. Cox: "I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet and may in fact be Satan himself."

2006-11-07


Turk: "Do you know where she is?"

JD: "No, why should I know? You know it's funny, that you think that I would know. I have no idea."

Todd: "I know where the Todd would like Elliot to be... In his pants!"

JD: "Ha! Clever. You know, she told me she's not going out with anyone. You should ask her out."

Turk: "Oh Elliot, no, no! Elliot and the Todd? That's a terrible couple. That's worse than Joanie and Chachi."

JD: "Dude, Joanie loves Chachi."

Todd: "The Todd is asking Elliot out. I think she'd be lucky to ride my... "

JD: "Please... "

Todd: " ...motorcycle. Gotcha! Haha!" (walks away doing motorcycle noises)

Turk: "God bless him!"

2006-11-08


Elliot: "Are you following me?"

Todd: "No. You wanna go out some time?"

Elliot: "With you?"

Todd: "Me, and a bottle of Jagermeister."

Elliot: "No! No, Todd, I don't. But I don't want you to think it's because I just broke up with someone, or that I'm a lesbian, or it's because I wanna preserve our friendship. It's because I find you so creepy I think you should have to walk around with a bell around your neck."

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Nov 8 2006, 09:29 PM

The todd rocks!

2006-11-09


JD: "Spence, this is Dr. Cox and..."

Jordan: "Don't bother. Don't care."

Spence: "Oh, oh right, yeah. He's the 'scary man' you told me about last night. Hey, congratulations!"

Dr. Cox: "For what, jackass?"

Spence: "You just had a baby."

JD: "No, no, no. She just had a baby."

Spence: "Yeah, but you said it was his. And you said something else... "

Turk: "That he didn't know it yet."

Spence: "That's exactly right!"

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Nov 9 2006, 12:05 AM

2006-11-10


Jordan: "I can't believe you're bitching cause I asked you to look after him for an hour, three days a week. Do you know how badly I need a massage?"

Dr. Cox: "What's the matter? Are you getting all sore around that hump above your butt where your tail used to be?"

Jordan: "I'm going because when Gustave promises me something will feel great and last an hour, he doesn't end up in the shower five minutes later thinking he made me see God."

Dr. Cox: "So not Gustave! Busy doctor!!"

2006-11-11


Jordan (to Dr. Cox): "Allright, I will see you at home in about an hour. Remember to keep him warm, support his head, check his diaper every 15 minutes, no bouncing around, no loud noise, no tv, no poking the soft spot. And Perry, you're the only one in my life that I actually have to say this to - do not yell at, demean, insult, criticise, humiliate or mock the baby."

2006-11-12


Elliot: "Dr. Cox, I got the Kayexalate and I pulled all the x-rays you asked for, so I am yours for the night. Do whatever you want with me. Oh, my god, um, that totally came out wrong. I just... I meant that I wanted you to use me, and I don't care how degrading it is."

Dr. Cox: "What??"

Elliot: "No, no... No, it's just that I know that you like torturing people, and I am totally up for that... I just wanna make you happy."

Laverne: "Marshmallow, hush."

2006-11-13


Dr. Kelso: "Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said 'stay in the MRI room with that patient.' It must have sounded like 'leave, and do other things.' "

JD: "Sir.. "

Dr. Kelso: "Let me rephrase it so there'll be no more confusion: Get your ass back down there!!"

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Nov 13 2006, 02:18 AM

2006-11-14


Dr. Cox: "I can't even remember the last time I saw my son. And you... you... you're a father for God's sake. You understand, don't you?"

Dr. Kelso: "My son was recently kicked out of his Hare Krishna sect for being too much of a hippie, and is currently residing in the Portland subway system. The point, Perry, is that the only thing I care less about than my son, is your son."

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Nov 14 2006, 12:03 AM

2006-11-15


(Elliot and Dr.Cox talking about JD, whose dad has just died)

Elliot: "Why are you still anatagonizing him?"

Dr. Cox: "I don't know. I can't stop."

Elliot: "I'm warning you. You better come through for him."

Dr. Cox: "What do you want me to do anyway?"

Elliot: "Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug."

Dr. Cox: "Barbie, you've met me before, yes? Now, at most I can muster one hug a year. And 9 months ago I hugged my son, so you're gonna have to do it."

Elliot: "Um, you saw us before? We're still awkward from the breakup."

Dr. Cox: "Hold it for a moment... Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him then I won't have to deal with problems like this? Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit. I mean honestly, what is he like in post-game? Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon. I'm not a spooner."

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Nov 16 2006, 04:52 PM

Dr. Cox, first season moments:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQBJEuPjc6I...ted&search=

2007-06-13

Elliot: "You know, Dr. Cox, you think that you have seen it all and done it all, but guess what? You haven't done me!"

(Elliot storms off, nurses stare towards them)

Dr. Cox (to nurses): "Give her a second there gang."

Elliot (comes back after a few seconds): "That didn't come out right... "

2007-06-14

Elliot: "These Gyno girls are really putting the pressure on. We must have looked at a hundred women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo... I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo, you know?"

Carla: "Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?"

This post has been edited by Bar-Aram: Jun 14 2007, 12:29 AM

2007-06-15

Elliot: "His peepers."

Dr. Kelso: "Excuse me?"

Elliot: "His shwingshwong."

Dr. Kelso: "Dr. Reid, it's bad enough you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam, but you are a doctor and you need to be able to say simple clinical words like penis, or vagina or anal."

Elliot: "Anal is not a dirty word, sir."

Dr. Kelso: "Tell that to my wife."

heh, Scrubs is fucking tops!!

2007-06-16

Dr. Cox: "Oh my God, would you look at this hellhole? If I have to see one more broken down piece of equipment, one more gomer who is shuffled back and forth between some god-forsaken home, one more patient who is denied treatment because they got the wrong insurance, I... There are times, when I'm all by myself, when I concentrate as hard as I can to see if I can't make myself catch on fire like the human torch. And mark my words newbie, if I ever pull it off I will be back here to destroy this place."

2007-06-17

Dr. Kelso: "Well, well, well, snip my pickle and call me Shlomo. You're not actually applying for Residency Director?"

Dr. Cox: "I don't know Bob, here I'd like to think I've accomplished plenty of things much more difficult than this. Why, just yesterday morning I somehow managed to hack into your voicemail and change the outgoing message to: 'Hi, this is Big Bob. I'm not in right now, but at the beep leave your name and your penis size.'"

Dr. Kelso: "Perry, have you ever wondered why you've never risen above clinical staff at this hospital? I mean, come on now, who do you think the board listens to concerning promotions around here? Why don't I tell you after the beep?"

Dr. Steadman: "Beep!"

Dr. Kelso: "Bob Kelso, 10 inches." (walks away)

Dr. Steadman: "It's like a baguette."

2007-06-18

Elliot: "Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single. I mentioned like 5 movies I want to see. I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am."

Carla: "Look Elliot, you have to understand these things take time and self respect. So, we're gonna focus on time."

[Dr. Kelso greets a couple of orderlies who arrive with an occupied body bag on a gurney from a traffic accident]
Dr. Kelso: Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Next time, if you're not here in thirty minutes or less, I expect a free dead body... or at least some garlic knots.
Chris Turk: Dr. Kelso, I think that's extremely insensitive.
Dr. Kelso: I don't think so.
[to the dead body]
Dr. Kelso: Miss Parker, you care to weigh in?
[He bends down to listen at the head of the gurney]
Dr. Kelso: Nope, she's fine with it. And she knows a thing or two... except of course that a yellow light means to slow down.
[He chuckles morbidly]